


Hush, hush.

by uhmziall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Depressing, M/M, Short, mostly just focused on louis, not really focused on larry, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-24
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-03 11:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/697937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uhmziall/pseuds/uhmziall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis Tomlinson, member of famous boyband One Direction, is happy and immature and loud. Louis, behind closed doors, is quiet. He’s depressed. </p>
<p>He's not eating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hush, hush.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have ever had an eating disorder and/or are still recovering from one, please do NOT read this. It's very triggering. This is coming from the mind of someone who has experienced one. It's extremely triggering.

_Don’t eat that._

Louis retreated his hand.

_That orange is 75 calories._

The voice in his head gnawed on the inside of his ears, scraping his brain, eager to flow out of his mouth. His eye twitched involuntarily, his foot tapping to an invisible beat.

_Smile for the camera, Louis. Don’t be shy._

Louis jerked his arm back in shock at the sudden touch of Harry. “Hey, Lou. How about a muffin? They’re blueberry, your favorite!” Harry beamed, trying to get a reaction out of Louis.

_You can’t get a reaction out of someone who’s already dead._

Louis screamed. He screamed, screamed, screamed. The muffin was staring back at him. It was waiting to go into Louis’ mouth. Louis kept screaming.

 _Muffin’s are your fear food. 410 calories of pure fat_.

Louis pounded his fists on the bathroom sink, screaming in agony. The voice was getting louder. Louder, louder, louder.

_Don’t look back, Louis. Think of your thighs. Think of your tummy. Think of how fit Zayn is._

He clutched his stomach with his eyes closed, splinters stabbing into his brain.

_Emptyiscleanemptyiscleanemptyiscleanemptyiscleanemptyisclean._

He lifted his head to see the concerned eyes of Liam. Niall’s hair was fuzzy. Everything was fuzzy. It was normal for Louis to see fuzzy.

Louis nodded his head, smiling. Of course he was okay. Why wouldn’t he be?

The interviews went the same. Louis would black out though, miss out completely on the question. His voice would falter as he whispered, “What?” while images of food ran through his mind. It made him want to puke.

 _Empty is clean_.

With every step he took he felt like cotton balls threatening to tumble. His answers came out automatic “No Harry I would not like that muffin thank you”

 _You want the muffin so bad_.

“Louis!”

“Louis, wake up!”

“Louis.” Harry’s voice was muffled. Louis was tired. He was so, so tired.

“Look me in the eye, Louis. God damn it, look at me!”

Harry’s voice sounded concerned, but Louis’ sleep meant more to him than Harry. He just snuggled deeper into the pillow, feeling his hands shake from the lack of nutrition.

_410 calories is not nutrition_

The voice is disturbing him. He wants to go to sleep.

Sleep.

He’s flying. He can feel himself floating. He can feel his bones turning brittle. Careful, if you get too close he might break. He just might break.

People. Alot of people.

His bones are turning strong again. Why are they turning strong?

_Brittle means strong. Strong means brittle._

“Good morning, Louis. I’m Dr. Alex.”

Hospital?

“Open your eyes, Louis. I know you can hear me.”

Louis can’t hear. He can’t open his eyes.

 _Don’t give in to them, Louis. Resist the temptation._ “You’re suffering from anorexia.” Louis’ body jolted, his eyes flying open.

“Harry,” he croaked. The boys, who were cowering anxiously next to him, widened their eyes. That was the first time Louis said something in months off camera.

“Louis.” Harry stepped closer to Louis’ weak body, his collarbones showing and his rib cage exposed. He grabbed Louis’ hand and squeezed lightly.

“I need you to save me.”

_You don’t need saving. You’re perfectly healthy._

“Save you from what?”

“From this voice!”

Louis’ heartbeat sped up, the monitor beeping crazily. The boys panicked and so did the doctor, but Harry stayed right next to him.

“What voice?”

“It’s inside me. There’s a monster inside me.”

_Don’t expose yourself, Louis._

Harry leaned down and kissed him, passionately. Louis’ hair felt stringy. Lifeless. Just like his once bright eyes.

Louis kissed back, hoping the monster would crawl away. crawl away crawl away crawl away crawl away crawl away

Harry pulled back, looking at him sadly. “I can’t save you Louis, only you can save yourself.”

_It’s too late to save yourself. You’re already dead._

The steady beep of the monitor even clarified it.

 


End file.
